`Lu

insecurity

2006-05-22T17:12:41Z

An update, which is amazing, I know. The mood has come over me once again and my insecurity level is maxing out. I hate caring what people think about me, though I can't help it. My two best friends seem distant at times, but I can't tell if that is because of me, or something else. If I were to ask, they'd say that everything is fine and that they're not mad at me, and why would they be mad at me, and everything is perfect and happy and joyful. But if that is true, why do I feel this weight pressing down upon my mind? I know I haven't done anything wrong overtly, but maybe there is some flaw in my personality. I just feel like something is wrong and I can't help but feel that in some way it's all my fault.
Another friend won't ever hang out with me. I think that she thinks that I'm crushin on her, but I'm not… I just wanna hang and be friends. She has a fantastic boyfriend whom I consider to be a friend, and I would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship. But I still feel that she's avoiding me. She's probably gonna read this now and avoid me more, but owell, this is my rant/emo feel-sorry-for-myself, get-this-stuff-off-my-chest-so-I-can-feel-better journal, and by god I'm gonna use it as such today.
On Saturday I went to a Birthday party. Was fun, got to drink with my best friends AND my sister, which was an added bonus. The b-day girl told me that she thought of me as a brother. I've always thought of her as a friend and nothing more, but isn't "I think of you as a brother/sister" the nice way to say I'm not interested? But, I wasn't interested in that either! She's a very pretty girl, but way too young for me. Maybe this is just how my fogged mind interpreted her statement. I was pretty drunk at the time. Maybe I'm just to conceited and think its all about me, but the fact that she would say that just disturbed me. I dunno. Life is strange and social life is even stranger.
And so my insecurity is maxed once again.
I love life
*shoots self*

lu_inverse @ 2006-04-21T09:47:00

2006-04-21T15:50:23Z

Stolen from mark who stole it from tony
If you comment...

1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

lu_inverse @ 2006-03-18T17:17:00

2006-03-19T00:33:59Z

I think im gonna write a story, lemme know which one ya like best....

A.

Slayers: Heartbreak
By Lu Inverse

It was a cold, damp day in Seiruyn. The early morning light was dim and the air felt heavy. To Queen Amelia’s eyes it seemed to be the perfect theme for the day, or even the week.
“Or the rest of my life.” She muttered to herself sadly.
On this day she would be burying her father.

Just earlier that month Amelia had been off with her friend and idol Lina Inverse and Lina’s guardian, Gourry Gabriev. She had decided that she it was time for a major bandit cleanup in Seiruyn and had convinced her dad to let Lina help. All had gone well and justice once again defeated the forces of evil! As she, Lina, and Gourry had headed back to Seiruyn a messenger rode out to Amelia. A look of horror passed over her face as she spoke with the messenger.
“What’s going on?” Lina asked.
Amelia gave the messenger instructions and turned to Lina as he galloped back to the city.
“Oh miss Lina!” she cried as she threw herself at Lina. “He’s gone! They’ve taken him.”
“Who?” Lina managed say past the death grip Amelia had on her throat.
“My Father.” While they had been away, Prince Phil, Amelia’s Father and Crown Prince of Seiruyn, had gone missing.

B.
NONAMEYET

The life we all lead leads to nothing. Or that’s the attitude that I had right about then. Ten hour shifts after going on a three-day drinking binge tend to alter your view of reality a bit; make a regular day worse than the 13th level of hell. As the clock slowly ticked on, oblivious to my attempts to use the force to make it go by faster, I decided to pass the time away by listing out my plans for the day. Though sleep seemed like it should be the top priority, it was going to take an unfortunate 4th or 5th place to the fun things I had to do for people that day. Well all this is utterly meaningless, and in no way has any real relation to the story. Let it just be known that I had, until that day, led a regular, boring, meaningless life.
My life and the life of everyone around me changed that day.

well, i know that both are snippets of a very sucky story that i have yet to write, what i need to know is which sucky story TO write. the 2nd one is a "post-nuclear" or "end-of-the-world" type scenario and those that have seen slayers might have realized that the first story is going to be a pretty dark version of slayers.

well, opinions are necessary, please let me know which you think I should write ^_^

lu_inverse @ 2006-02-16T00:19:00

2006-02-16T07:20:29Z

totally stole this from josh, but owell

You kill with magic.
You are very skilled with magic, but have poor

fighting skills. But it doesn't really matter

anyway since it can be as powerful as other

weapons. You are probably missunderstood by

people and have some pain inside you. You are

not the kind of person to start a fight, but

if you are provocted you respond. You

probably don't have that many friends either

though you might want some. According to you

life is a lonely journey and you try not to

care to much. Most people who are witches or

anything similar is thought to be evil and

want to see all people suffer. That however

is not true. You don't feel that much joy

seeing others in pain. You are probably

peaceful and quiet when left alone.

Main weapon: Potions and spells
Quote: "A man can be destroyed but

not defeated" -Ernest Hemingway
Facial expression: Blank eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

lu_inverse @ 2006-01-30T09:06:00

2006-01-30T16:06:55Z

Your Social Dysfunction:
Schizotypal

You display social deficits and oddities of thinking. Your perception and communication are similar to those of a schizophrenic.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

kinda already knew the answer but owell >.>

lu_inverse @ 2006-01-17T08:39:00

2006-01-17T15:41:53Z

i LOVE this vid. Friggin crazy n stuff. Note to ppl who might be clicking: Somewhat graphic pictures depicted....if this bugs ya, dont click my link, otherwise enjoy :D

dir en grey - obscure

lu_inverse @ 2005-12-17T10:24:00

2005-12-17T17:26:37Z

WOOOOOH
changed my layout again, and found out how avi has that cool comment feature thingie.
welll, right now i'm just sitting here waiting for my trainer to come in. I GOT A PROMOTION!!!! yay! I've told a few of you (those that don't work with me that is :P) and pete, this DOES mean that we can game more often! (yay even more!) well, gotta go look at things and stuff. tell me whatcha think of the new layout ^_^

HOW!!!!!

2005-12-15T03:28:02Z

does anyone know how to make your comments page show a layout (look at teh avi's if ya need an example) I've asked around, looked around, pulled my hair out and STILL i can't seem to find a way to do it.
gonna bug yoshi now to see if he knows.
*crosses fingers*

The world as we know it

2005-12-14T21:01:04Z

People are strange. I fail to understand why people act a certain way, or how someones attitude towards a person can change so drastically from one day to the next. But even then it might not be that their attitude has changed. They might have things on their mind that they just don't wanna discuss, or maybe they'd feel uncomfortable sharing with you. So is there a hitchhikers guide to people? Feelings, nothing more than feelings....NOTHING MORE?!?!? Feelings envelope such a huge part of our everyday lives. Interpreting these "feeling" is hard to do, at least for me. But life goes on. People change. Sometimes i wish there was a big huge book that someone could hit me upside the head that would give me all the secrets to social interaction. But alas, said book doesn't exist. Owell, if you've all read my gibberish, thank you. I dont know what it means or even why i was writing it. FUN!!!!

There once was a man who lived in a shoe...a SHOE!?!?! why live in a shoe?

why indeed, why indeed.

lu_inverse @ 2005-12-10T15:45:00

2005-12-10T22:45:08Z

WOOOOOOOOOT
changing the layout again. yay! lotsa fun!
Also, i get to be santa tonight at the h.o.r.r. bar ^_^
I might switch to graveyard soon :o
sorry that this entry is a little disjointed but owell, deal with it.
I dont really know what else to type about.....
NORAH JONES!!!!
i bought a norah jones cd (yay me!!!)
i've been hangin with sarah enough to start stealing catch phrases :o
my spoon is too big
Chuck if ya read this, sorry about last night, my cell battery died
I HATE my cellphone....think i'll buy another one :o

random anime pic :o

What am I

2005-12-10T08:28:46Z

Before I go inot hte events of tonight, let me clarify that I am wasted, and probably wouldn't be typing this otherwise.

Tonight we went to mulligans (a local bar for those that don't know). We had a blast! Sarah and thomas, Layla and her firends(soz i'm too drunk to remember their names >.>...cept for jesus) my friends and sarah's friends. We had fun and everything went fine.

**********deleted******************
for those of you i'll see tomorrow, cya then, everyone else cya :D
i <3 you all

Edit: What I wrote I wrote while in a drunken stupor. Please disregard everything that you read. IT DID NOT HAPPEN.
kthxi<3ubaibai

lu_inverse @ 2005-11-27T21:07:00

2005-11-28T04:15:47Z

I was lookin through myspace and saw these piccies ^^
jus thought i'd share with those that would be interested *cough*sarahcarlarobert*cough*cough*

lu_inverse @ 2005-11-19T12:50:00

2005-11-19T19:52:00Z

Last night was GREAT. we all need to party like that some more ^_^
Players = teh shizzle! (even with cops looking for drugs in all the liquor bottles >.>)Sarah, Thomas, jamie, jr all rock! Most of their friends rock too :o
Tom's ex-gf scares me! I've never had a chick hit on me that friggin hard....I got a baaad feeling that she just wanted to use me to hurt sarah or tom or somethin stupid like that.
Anyways, WoW ran out again...dunno if i'm gonna pay for it again right away.
The game of the week?

A Living Universe

fun, text based, and I can play it ALL day at work :D

otherwise, life is good ^_^

Bye for now :o

New Layout and Myspace!!!!

2005-11-14T02:34:22Z

Does everyone like my new lj layout? What!?!?!? what do you mean you haven't seen it!? ;-; well, for those of you who haven't seen it you can view it here! also, i recently made a myspace page, add me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease (if i haven't already tried to add you :o )

lemme know whatcha think of my layouts :o

EDIT:
the links above are stupid, i did it right...i CHECKED!
anyways, go here:

www.livejournal.com/users/lu_inverse

and here:

www.myspace.com/lu_inverse

FUNNY!

2005-11-13T00:55:46Z

man this just picks me up after a long boring day at work ^_^

lu_inverse @ 2005-11-05T16:16:00

2005-11-05T23:17:09Z

The Dark Angel

You are an angel of death who lurks in the shadows.
Dark, brooding, mysterious, and deeply pensive,
you lead a solitary life. You tend to be rather
stoic; others see you as a cold and stony ice
queen, but hey, you're just doing your job.

What's so scary about you: It is your frigidity
that is frightening. You are capable of acting
without regard to emotion.

Your gemstone: Onyx
Your Moon: Death Moon (March)

Which Beautiful Vampiress are You? (For Girls! - Gothic Anime Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

:o

lu_inverse @ 2005-10-16T00:26:00

2005-10-16T06:28:27Z

so yeah, couldn't help it. I had to post this...

[00:23] lu inverse: what would i dowithout on-screen keyboard
[00:23] mrscratchypantz: type?
[00:23] lu inverse: windows IS stupid
[00:24] mrscratchypantz: yes, and now i have an annoyance headache. so sleep time is now
[00:24] mrscratchypantz: talk to you later
[00:24] lu inverse: well, i have dual monitor...one on my desk and one by my bed
[00:24] lu inverse: bai
[00:24] lu inverse: nite nite
[00:24] mrscratchypantz: you're a fucking nerd dude
[00:24] lu inverse: XD

PAID!

2005-10-03T02:22:06Z

WOOOT!
well, i finally broke down and paid for my lj >.>
in addition to that i decided it was time to make it a little better sooooooooooooooooooooo new layout for teh lu :D

tell me what ya ppl think ^_^

lu_inverse @ 2005-09-25T12:15:00

2005-09-25T18:20:17Z

well, i just decided that it was time to update agian so, here goes ^^
Everything is pretty much the same as usual, work,WoW,and drinking, other than that i decided to start drawing, since work can be pretty boring at times. you all can see the stuff i drew (and comment on it!!! :D ) at http://lu-inverse.deviantart.com umm, I also got a new car recently! now driving an Acura Legend ^_^ owell..... not much else to type about, so i guess i'll talk to everyone later ^_^

Bored at work :s

2005-07-21T02:17:07Z

Well, here I am at work, bored. Why am I bored you might ask? Well a number of things have added up to me being bored at work today. The first is my lack of interesting reading materials. I purchased the new Harry potter book Friday night. By Sunday night I had only to read the last three chapters. The other book that I was reading at the time, The High Lord(book three of the series, The Magicians Guild) was easily finshed since i had less than half the book left when I bought Harry Potter. So in effect, I read all my entertainment before I got to work today. I did bring a book with me, one that I have read before, but I can't seem to get into it. In addition to having nothing to read, the recent ban on games at work has left me with little to do except stare at my monitor and try to stay awake. Which leads to me typing this paragrapgh, story or whatever you would like to call it. As I sit here typing, listening to a customer verify information, I have to wonder how I came to this point in my life. Though I truley enjoy this job, it being my 2nd favorite job out of the multitude I have had, I still feel that this is not where I belong. My Imagination puts me in many different places and many different senarios. Some of these most people would shove aside as pure fantasy others, though more realistic, seem just as far out of reach. My main abition, my main goal has always been Computer Programming, but it feels as if the chance for this has almost completely disappeared. My college so far has been a farce, mostly due to my extreme laziness as the semester goes by. Hw can I combat this? Most people believe that lazyiness is easily avoided, but it is not. As you continue on the path of laziness, it becomes harder to get back into the swing of things(for lack of a better phrase). It's as if I have two diferent factions warring within me for control of my life. The closest thing I can compare this to is my conscience. One side of me declares its will to do what is necessary. To destroy my bad habits, Continue with the tedious tasks that I set myself which will lead me down the path of greatness! The other side however, is constantly picking away at my willpower. Insinuating little comments, pushing towards the easier, less strenuous, LAZY path which I would rather avoid. I'm sure its hard to grasp this, "Why don't you do what you say you will?" you might ask yourself. These same words go through my mind on a regular basis. Even knowing the consequences of not going to school, or not getting out of bed, I still find myself not doing what I've said. I can't live without a game to play for more than a day, I've tried in fact. I was without internet for two days, during which I proceeded to go crazy. Why am I addicted? And I do know that it's an addiction. I've lived through addiction and beaten it before, but why is it so hard to stop? I tried uninstalling WoW, I uninstalled Gunz only to reinstall it a day later, and now I've installed FFXI and begun that addiction all over. I say begun that addiction, but I feel that it should be combined with my WoW addiction. I tell myself sometimes that I need to lose weight! I need to go on a diet! And then I begin, sometimes even going months on this diet. I lose weight, I do well! But the voice returns, constantly shoving thoughts of sweets, and carbs, and whatever else I'm not supposed to have on my diet into my head till eventually I break and cheat on my diet. Now when I begin to cheat on a diet, it makes it easier to cheat the next time until eventually I have regained all the weight I had originally lost. So, the question is, "IS there a cure for laziness?" Is there a way for me to forever put aside these temptations, this desire to do nothing? The more I try it seems, the farther I fall into this pit. Its pretty amazing how "I'm bored at work" can turn into this insight into my life. So, what are my goals? I wish to graduate college. I want to lose 90lbs. And I want to be happy. Since I still have an hour here at work, we'll go over these three goals ^_^. Graduate college. This would be very nice, but I can't seem to keep myself motivated throughout the semester. I start off full steam, doing all the assigned homework, studying, and doing what I can to pass my classes. As the semester goes on I start to procrastinate, perhaps because the classes, though I learn new things (sometimes), start to get boring. Eventually I miss a class, which leads me to missing more classes (which believe it or not leads to me playing videogames :O) Eventually I end up dropping classes which, according to my midterm grades, I was going to pass. I have taken English 1311 three times, and three times I have had an A or B at midterms only to drop the class because of absenses. This, as some of you college students can verify, leads to me losing my financial aid. So now I'm stuck with going to community( hopefully >.<) or finding a way to pay for a semester on my own. But enough of that. GOALS. I want to go for a masters in computer science. For this I really only feel that I have to get through the extremely boring core curiculum (probably wishful thinking) before college will be interesting to me. My other goals are pretty self explanitory so I guess I'll leave the post at this. Sorry for bitching for awhile, but owell, Deal with it. Guess if anyone has any questions or anything I'll think about answerin them. till next time, have fun...AND DONT BE LAZY!(talking to self mainly ;-;)

ja ne

lu_inverse @ 2005-06-11T15:11:00

2005-06-11T21:36:19Z

Well, since I must beat Petey in the my journal isn't dead race..... Here's an update :D

CRAP CRAP CRAP! my HD burned out ;-;. List of what teh Lu lost? WoW is gone, ALL of my music is gone, all of my documents are destroyed. all of my anime pictures are gone ;-;. List of stuff that survived the destruction of EVERYTHING?! My main anime drive wasn't hooked up to my comp at the time :D. the future of my computer: LINUX :o i just finished installing Suse this morning and so far I'm happy :D The only problems I've had so far (though i only got to play with it for about an hour) is it's inability to delete files off of my ntfs windows drive. Also, i dont know if I can install WoW, and i can't find the codecs i need to play my anime >.< other than that i'm looking foward to learning and using linux. Any help (FRED!) will be appreciated ^_^

well, gotta get back to work...talk to you guys later :D

lu_inverse @ 2005-06-10T20:19:00

2005-06-11T02:38:32Z

Well, i got tagged by teh eatty :O
6 fav songs? It's really hard to limit so much >.<. anyways here it be :o

1. DJ Stax - Barbie
2. Phasio - Dive
3. Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata
4. Gumi - Catch you Catch me ( :o )
5. Nobuo Uematsu - To Zanarkand
6. Norah Jones - Sunrise

AVI!
My linalady :o
Petey :o
LS :o
Freddums :o
Mr. Scratchypants

hope i didn't tag anyone already tagged ;>.>

P.S. crap, just realized no one will know who i tagged w/o clicking ;-;.......owell, it was avichan,kairchan,peteysan,yumenopirate,wastaz, and mrscratchypants (if you did know...YOU ROCK!)
:D

lu_inverse @ 2005-05-14T01:31:00

2005-05-14T07:30:06Z

beware the flaming pantsu of dooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn

Your name:

Weapon of Choice:

Flaming underpants

Your Favorite Target:

Crack dealers

Your Kill Count:

937,112,839

Your Battle Cry:

"Moo!"

Years You Spend in Jail:

How Much Money In Damages You Cause:

$203,131,307,002,577

Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 57%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

lu_inverse @ 2005-04-24T18:49:00

2005-04-25T00:50:10Z

Well, here's a silly update
AMAZING!SHOCK!HELL FROZE OVER!!!
actually I just got finished typing out a story that I read and decided to post here. I thought it was a great short story, and appreciate the ending greatly ^_^. well, without further ado, here is the story.

Bobby Gaylord – “Suicide”

Animals don’t have a choice.
If they’re not happy with their place in the world…too bad.
They have to live the life they’ve been given.
Humans, on the other hand, don’t have to.
We have a choice.
If you don’t like your place in the world
You can get off anytime you want.
Suicide. That’s right.
Animals aren’t allowed that thought.
And believe me, if they were, they would use it.
There’d be a lot of dogs and cats, owned by
Assholes that live in high-rises, diving out the windows.
Zebras…if they even had remotely that thought
Would take a look at themselves and go “What
The F*#K! Black & white in a green & brown world… this
blows.
I’m just gonna dive into the next lion’s mouth. Why even
Bother?”
Now, there’s a bunch of people that say, “Oh, it’s against the
Law”. Well, it’s only against the law if you do a crappy job
and get caught. Other people say. “Oh, we should save
them”. Yeah, well you know what?
Not everybody wants to be saved. Not everybody should be
Saved. And who are we
to force our will upon them? I mean, isn’t that one of the
joys about being a human? Freedom of choice?
Now, I’m not saying
“Kill yourself”. But if you’re gonna be an idiot and do it
anyway, it’s no sweat off of my back. There’s a lot of good
that could come from it. Some of the things:
A job will open…
An apartment will become available…
There’ll be more air for me…
They say there’s two girls for every guy –
If you’re a man, there’ll be four chicks for me…
There’ll be more Ketel One Vodka for me…
There’ll be one less idiot in line at the bank who gets up to the window without their F*#King slips filled out…
I won’t ever have to go to the store to buy my favorite salt & vinegar chips and have the clerk point at you and say, “They bought the last bag”…
You won’t help change the McDonald’s sign to One Hundred Billion Served…
You’ll never get AIDS…
You won’t have to worry about calories ever…
No more,
“Hey, does this make me look fat?”…
You won’t have to recycle…
There’ll be one less car on road…
Fifty of so chickens’ lives will be spared…
No more church…
You’ll be saying, “Hey, World Kiss My Ass!”…
No more wet dreams about supermodels…
No more Barry Manilow, not for a few years anyway…
Wondering, “Am I a loser?” will be a thing of the past…
Say goodbye to crappy X-mas presents from aunts and uncles…
You won’t have to suffer through a Montley Crue reunion…
F*#K flossing and brushing…
You’ll never lose sleep over a pregnancy scare…
Adios acne…
Worrying whether you fit in or not won’t be on your brain…
See ya later, homework…
You’ll never have to sit through another movie brought to you by the creators of South Park…
School’s out forever…
No more paying bills…
You won’t have to do chores…
You won’t be able to run over toads with the lawnmower though…
You’ll also miss McDonalds French Fries…
Bugs Bunny…
The amazing electrifying feeling that surges through your body when you kiss someone for the first time…
You won’t be able to watch the letterbox director’s cut of Jaws…
Candy…
Living above ground…
Pudding Crust…
You’ll miss the rush of getting your first apartment…
Getting to the point in your life where you can tell your parents to F*#K Off! I gotta make my own mistakes…you did”…
You’ll miss sex – you’ll miss thinking about it, looking for it, sex by yourself, sex with a partner, sex with multiple partners…
No more summer nights that seem to go on forever…
Roller Coasters…
Naming your kid the name you always wanted…
Making a difference in the world…
You’ll miss the experience and pleasure of hallucinogenics…
Watching you neighbor’s wife change clothes with her blinds open…
A lifetime of masturbating…
Watching your favorite team sweep the series…
Music, you’ll definitely miss music…
Trying to sneak into your house drunk, 3 hours past your curfew…
You’ll miss the blaze and glory of the 4th of July fireworks…
The taste of Captain Crunch…
If you’re a boy, you’ll miss the feeling the first time you reach up a girl’s skirt…
If you’re a girl, the feeling the first time you reach down a boy’s pants…
You’ll miss your favorite coat…
Waffles with whipped cream and strawberries…
Beating your friends at video games…
You won’t be around to see what shape and color the new marshmallow in Lucky Charms will be…
You’ll miss the feeling you get when reminiscing about your first love, 30 years after the fact…
The joy of giving and receiving at Christmas…
Skinny dipping…
Getting stoned, reading Green Eggs & Ham, and eating like a horse that got loose in the grain bin…
Flying cars…
Hey, you were born –
Finish what was started.

_______________________________________________________________________

K, well since this is my jounal I guess i should actually talk about how things are going and stuff :o.
I have started to save for AX, requested the days off, and looked into reservations and such... over all i am well on my way to going to AX. The only sticking point so far is that my Vacation hasn't been approved. I actually dont have enough Vacation time available, so i'll hope that they let me take the other day off as a non paid vacation day. I also decided on my costume for AX :o. Soz to steal jawn's idea, but I wanna go as a shinigami. already gonna order the costume, and i'll probably be Aizen, since he has glasses too :o
other than that my life is same'ol same'ol. I'm back on the atkins diet after splurging drastically for the 6 months on candy bread pies cakes and general sweetness. Been playing WoW on feathermoon with a whole bunch of people. Other than that just been doin school, work, and sleeping. wow, what a fun life you lead Lu. i kno, you all envy me *sighs*
anyways, work is good, school is ok, and WoW is fun.....guess everything is going ok ^_^
anyways, thats all for now. PETEY! i'll message you soon :o
anywways, again, talk to all later.

Getting to know Lu :o

2005-03-27T21:14:01Z

I response to josh's and juni's entries about getting to know ppls, here you can ask me all the silly things you wanna know ^_^

p.s. they dont hafta be silly things ;>.>